My life is a huge contradiction, is it because I can't be honest? Or is it that i'm to considerate of people's feelings? Or am I just so in love that i'm blinded? I'm just one giant contradiction.
Today I got to hang out with Vy-Anh, yay! See that's the contradiction part, because I was supposed to be getting over her and not caring, but at this point I give up. I don't give up on her but I give up fighting my feelings. It's basically impossible when you love someone this much. Everyone looks at my like i'm a huge fool, sometimes I believe it. But whether i'm a fool or not doesn't change how much I love her.
They tell me and I know it:
-she Disrespects you
-she takes you for Granted
-she doesn't Appreciate you
Then why do I stay in love with her?
Today I spent like forever telling her about this girl that I liked, but keeping her name anonymous, I was telling her about how I really liked her and how I can't date her and I don't know what to do. Basically asking her for her advice. Obviously I was talking about Vy-Anh, i'm sure that she knew? At least I hope she knew? I explained our situation from my perspective and how i'm in love with a girl that won't give me the chance to be the man she's always wanted. She would ask why can't I just ask her on a date and my answer would be like she's going to say no. I really hope she knows that she's the girl that I was talking about.
I really wish she could see me as the man that I am today and not the shitty person I was when I was with her. I really feel like I could make her happy as pumpkins.
I miss being in love, I miss being a boyfriend.
Today I told Vy-Anh about this stupid fantasy I have, and now i'm going to share it with you. I really want to go horseback riding with my significant other, I imagine her wearing that navy jacket and white pants and those high boots! Also she has that funny round helmet that people who ride horses wear. I imagine myself having a rapier by my side too! So me and my love ride to the top of a beautiful grassy hill and I get off my horse and go to her and help her off. Then I get down on one knee and unsheathe my rapier, I hold it in both hands and give it to her, so she can knight me. Knighting you know she puts the sword on both of my shoulders and that makes me her knight for life. I want to be her knight so she knows that for the rest of my life i'll fight for her and protect her, and she'll always be my queen. yeah i'm super lame and gay sorry :9
Dear My Future Love,
If you're not Vy-Anh, please come and find me asap. If you are Vy-Anh please stop doing this to me and be here for me again. I need you and I need someone to help me. I need you to walk the park with me and Pebbles, I need you to watch some movies with me, hopefully you've at least seen Iron Man. I need you to cuddle and have sleepovers with me. I need you to go with me to Hawaii! We have so many co-op games to play. If you're Vy-Anh, you have years of "13: (Vietnamese Poker) to lose to me, ahead of you. I need to go meet Hachiko in Japan! OHHH OHH OHH AND I can't wait to celebrate Christmas with youuuu!!! Also please go to Con's with me! Comic Con, Otakon, PAX, PLEASE BE THE BEST AND GO WITH ME <3 I really need you to go Horseback riding with me, like PLEASE. I know we could easily say that we have the rest of our lives for that stuff, but I don't want to waste another minute without you. Please be here soon,
sighhhhh, shits tough.
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