Jason said today that you shouldn't be with someone unless you can give them your 100% best self. I hope one day you will find me at my 100%.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Laying Beside You
Yesterday I officially drew the line between us, by moving in to the living room and moving you into the bedroom. I did it without you and I was hurt and emotional through it all. Even watched 50 first dates to cheer up. We agreed to ignore each other but one day later your here in my bed and we had one of the best conversations we've had in weeks. No crying no being upset, just really enjoying each other's company. I liked that. Even though yesterday I texted you how much I hated you, me laying here next to you as you sleep, I truly still love you with every fiber in my being.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Take the G Out your Waffle
Dear World,
Break ups are hard. Last night I had a long talk with Vy-Anh about us, again, and obviously it ended horribly. Well I just couldn't take it anymore, the love I have for her just exploded. I needed to do something, so I wrote her a speech and picked her up from work brought flowers, the whole nine yards. Did it work? hell no. We ended up laying in bed for a few hours talking, most of the time me just letting out all those bottled up emotions of how much I love her. Basically I was being a bitch. I say that proudly, because it's not easy trying to let someone go, or being so madly in love with someone and them not reciprocating the feelings. All I can say is, i'm still madly in love with her and it really sucks.
She's out there right now, dating new guys. She even told me about some of them, and I felt so shitty. One of the guys named Sam, they played connect four, jenga, they both liked art, old school rock, mad men, and he was a gentlemen to her. Fuck that guy. I would do all that and more, I've played every game with Vy-Anh, even that kid's game Putt Putt, sometimes I would just sit here and play the card game speed with her. I would do everything he does but fucking more, I don't even know what i'm writing. It just infuriates me.... Okay it doesn't actually get me mad, I just pretend i'm mad. I'm actually just really jealous, that this guy Sam, he gets to do everything I want to do with Vy-Anh. He gets to treat her like a princess and talk to her about everything. He gets to see her happy and take her out. He get's to meet her co-workers and hang out with them. He has the opportunity to fall in love with her... I would do anything for something like that.
I've been asked, Why do you believe so much that Vy-Anh will eventually come back? Why are you so hopeful?
I guess the answer to that is I believe it because I know that deep down in there, somewhere. That she still is my Pretzel, my princess. That we can still have a strong love for each other, but right now the only way that could happen is if I go through the Cloister of Trials. Trials consisting of letting her go, seeing her with other people, being alone. If I can make it through these and come out stronger and still be head over heels in love. I believe that we'll come back together. We were together for 45 months, that's a long time. I know right now she only see's the bad in our relationship and the bad in me. But I feel like i've been improving myself, in a way that when i'm with her again, I won't be a damn idiot. I'm preparing myself to be the man that she's always wanted me to be, to be that man for the rest of our lives. Is there anything that states that she would get back together with me? no, if anything she keeps telling me it's never going to happen. But i've loved this girl for 10 years, and I spent a whole year trying to win her over and two years trying to get over her and 3 years dating her. When the time comes, i'm going to woo her. Woo her like I did all those times in the past. That picnic under the stars in the middle of the night, the first time I told her I love her, standing by the shore at national harbor, moving to NYC for her. I will win you back, Pretzel.
=====================================
Changing the pace.
On this blog I make Vy-Anh sound like a goddamn angel, but that's not true. She has her flaws and right now she's really pissing me off. Vy-Anh is the most beautiful girl i've ever seen, and she used to care about how she looks but she was modest about it. Now she's a total egotistical maniac. She is abusing the fact that she's pretty to be someone she really isn't. Yes people abuse their beauty in life, I know that, but Vy-Anh is better than that. She used to be a modest person with values, now she just let's her looks take her everywhere. She let's all these guys hit on her and talk to her because she knows she looks good. She takes in compliments on her appearance like she's snorting them. Vy-Anh used to value the guys who liked her because they were good people that cared about her. Now she just lets any guy who thinks she's hot talk to her and be up on that. I miss the girl who was modest about her beauty, because that's what made her the most beautiful person.
Another thing, her work life has taken over her life. She's so set on growing up and making money that it clouds what's most important. We have friends here who care about each other and we don't let money be a value that stops us from being close. I feel she's given up on us, she's given up on all of us and just wants to be an adult and work at the restaurant. Be surrounded by those co-workers who keep pushing her to grow up. Yes it's important to grow up but not in the cost of losing who you are. She says she's having fun, but what is she sacrificing for that fun? All those people who actually care about her, like myself. She'll step on my head to be an adult, and be surrounded by all these people from work who maybe have bad intentions for her. Who knows. I guess the point is that, her work has taken over her life, and I honestly believe that it's making her a bad person. Money and greed, if she looked in the mirror she would notice her face is turning green. I'm not saying money is not important and she needs it to financially support herself next year, I get it. I just wish she could work somewhere else, somewhere that doesn't make her a shitty person. A workplace that doesn't consume her life, influence her so negatively. If she read this, she wouldn't believe a word I said, she'll be like fuck you i'm having fun and I love my life right now. All I would do is shake my head in shame. As someone who has been with her for so long and really came to understand her inside and out, I honestly hope she see's who she's become and bounces back. Not that I love her any less, but I really liked the person who was modest and beautiful, kind and gentle, full of the adventure spirit, and was just hopelessly romantic.
I love you regardless of who you are and who you become, and i'll always be there to support you through it all. No matter how much you toss me aside and treat me like shit, I am here when you realize that I truly love you and that nobody else will offer you their heart like I do. Till next time my pretzel.
Break ups are hard. Last night I had a long talk with Vy-Anh about us, again, and obviously it ended horribly. Well I just couldn't take it anymore, the love I have for her just exploded. I needed to do something, so I wrote her a speech and picked her up from work brought flowers, the whole nine yards. Did it work? hell no. We ended up laying in bed for a few hours talking, most of the time me just letting out all those bottled up emotions of how much I love her. Basically I was being a bitch. I say that proudly, because it's not easy trying to let someone go, or being so madly in love with someone and them not reciprocating the feelings. All I can say is, i'm still madly in love with her and it really sucks.
She's out there right now, dating new guys. She even told me about some of them, and I felt so shitty. One of the guys named Sam, they played connect four, jenga, they both liked art, old school rock, mad men, and he was a gentlemen to her. Fuck that guy. I would do all that and more, I've played every game with Vy-Anh, even that kid's game Putt Putt, sometimes I would just sit here and play the card game speed with her. I would do everything he does but fucking more, I don't even know what i'm writing. It just infuriates me.... Okay it doesn't actually get me mad, I just pretend i'm mad. I'm actually just really jealous, that this guy Sam, he gets to do everything I want to do with Vy-Anh. He gets to treat her like a princess and talk to her about everything. He gets to see her happy and take her out. He get's to meet her co-workers and hang out with them. He has the opportunity to fall in love with her... I would do anything for something like that.
I've been asked, Why do you believe so much that Vy-Anh will eventually come back? Why are you so hopeful?
I guess the answer to that is I believe it because I know that deep down in there, somewhere. That she still is my Pretzel, my princess. That we can still have a strong love for each other, but right now the only way that could happen is if I go through the Cloister of Trials. Trials consisting of letting her go, seeing her with other people, being alone. If I can make it through these and come out stronger and still be head over heels in love. I believe that we'll come back together. We were together for 45 months, that's a long time. I know right now she only see's the bad in our relationship and the bad in me. But I feel like i've been improving myself, in a way that when i'm with her again, I won't be a damn idiot. I'm preparing myself to be the man that she's always wanted me to be, to be that man for the rest of our lives. Is there anything that states that she would get back together with me? no, if anything she keeps telling me it's never going to happen. But i've loved this girl for 10 years, and I spent a whole year trying to win her over and two years trying to get over her and 3 years dating her. When the time comes, i'm going to woo her. Woo her like I did all those times in the past. That picnic under the stars in the middle of the night, the first time I told her I love her, standing by the shore at national harbor, moving to NYC for her. I will win you back, Pretzel.
=====================================
Changing the pace.
On this blog I make Vy-Anh sound like a goddamn angel, but that's not true. She has her flaws and right now she's really pissing me off. Vy-Anh is the most beautiful girl i've ever seen, and she used to care about how she looks but she was modest about it. Now she's a total egotistical maniac. She is abusing the fact that she's pretty to be someone she really isn't. Yes people abuse their beauty in life, I know that, but Vy-Anh is better than that. She used to be a modest person with values, now she just let's her looks take her everywhere. She let's all these guys hit on her and talk to her because she knows she looks good. She takes in compliments on her appearance like she's snorting them. Vy-Anh used to value the guys who liked her because they were good people that cared about her. Now she just lets any guy who thinks she's hot talk to her and be up on that. I miss the girl who was modest about her beauty, because that's what made her the most beautiful person.
Another thing, her work life has taken over her life. She's so set on growing up and making money that it clouds what's most important. We have friends here who care about each other and we don't let money be a value that stops us from being close. I feel she's given up on us, she's given up on all of us and just wants to be an adult and work at the restaurant. Be surrounded by those co-workers who keep pushing her to grow up. Yes it's important to grow up but not in the cost of losing who you are. She says she's having fun, but what is she sacrificing for that fun? All those people who actually care about her, like myself. She'll step on my head to be an adult, and be surrounded by all these people from work who maybe have bad intentions for her. Who knows. I guess the point is that, her work has taken over her life, and I honestly believe that it's making her a bad person. Money and greed, if she looked in the mirror she would notice her face is turning green. I'm not saying money is not important and she needs it to financially support herself next year, I get it. I just wish she could work somewhere else, somewhere that doesn't make her a shitty person. A workplace that doesn't consume her life, influence her so negatively. If she read this, she wouldn't believe a word I said, she'll be like fuck you i'm having fun and I love my life right now. All I would do is shake my head in shame. As someone who has been with her for so long and really came to understand her inside and out, I honestly hope she see's who she's become and bounces back. Not that I love her any less, but I really liked the person who was modest and beautiful, kind and gentle, full of the adventure spirit, and was just hopelessly romantic.
I love you regardless of who you are and who you become, and i'll always be there to support you through it all. No matter how much you toss me aside and treat me like shit, I am here when you realize that I truly love you and that nobody else will offer you their heart like I do. Till next time my pretzel.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Guidance
Dear World,
These past few days have been so difficult for me. I don't want to play this game of guessing and checking any longer. I wish a divine fairy would come down from the heavens and help me, because I really don't know what to do anymore. I am sorry world but I am crazy in love with her and every second of the day it drives me literally insane. Sometimes she doesn't come home and I know she's out there and I can't do it anymore. I want my boobear back....
Sometimes I wish she was reading this so she knew how much I still want be with her. I miss us and I miss everything about her. It's not that i'm afraid of a life without her and it's not that i'm scared to move on, It's that I love her too much to give up on everything.
Jon was telling me yesterday that I need to fight for her, he may not be the most experienced in terms of relationships, but he really speaks what my heart is feeling. I want to fight for her, I want to do everything I was always supposed to do. I want to woo her all over again. What do I do though?
Last night we spent all night hanging out, talking and singing. It felt so natural it reminded me of everything I love about us and the future I want to share with her. That was the last time I will get to see her for the next four days, she's going back to VA. I already feel miserable knowing she's not here.
All the guys she's ever told me about and I hear about sound amazing, they are better looking than me, they are more talented, they are more unique, they sound 1000x better than I do. But the only thing I have over them is that I love her more than any of them ever could, I love her unconditionally, I know that I truly care about her for more than her physical appearance but for her well-being. I love her so much I would dedicate myself and my future to her and our happiness. I may have not always expressed these feelings to her but I will now. The only thing I have over these guys is my heart for her, I hope that enough.
I'm having a really hard time writing this blog right now, I feel just so much agony and I don't know what can make me feel better. I have so many distractions but none of it is enough to make me forget about her. Someone please help me, i'm pleading to the world for some real guidance. Tell me what to do, how to do it. Why isn't there a YouTube tutorial on what to do.
I wish I had my best friend back, the love of my life.
These past few days have been so difficult for me. I don't want to play this game of guessing and checking any longer. I wish a divine fairy would come down from the heavens and help me, because I really don't know what to do anymore. I am sorry world but I am crazy in love with her and every second of the day it drives me literally insane. Sometimes she doesn't come home and I know she's out there and I can't do it anymore. I want my boobear back....
Sometimes I wish she was reading this so she knew how much I still want be with her. I miss us and I miss everything about her. It's not that i'm afraid of a life without her and it's not that i'm scared to move on, It's that I love her too much to give up on everything.
Jon was telling me yesterday that I need to fight for her, he may not be the most experienced in terms of relationships, but he really speaks what my heart is feeling. I want to fight for her, I want to do everything I was always supposed to do. I want to woo her all over again. What do I do though?
Last night we spent all night hanging out, talking and singing. It felt so natural it reminded me of everything I love about us and the future I want to share with her. That was the last time I will get to see her for the next four days, she's going back to VA. I already feel miserable knowing she's not here.
All the guys she's ever told me about and I hear about sound amazing, they are better looking than me, they are more talented, they are more unique, they sound 1000x better than I do. But the only thing I have over them is that I love her more than any of them ever could, I love her unconditionally, I know that I truly care about her for more than her physical appearance but for her well-being. I love her so much I would dedicate myself and my future to her and our happiness. I may have not always expressed these feelings to her but I will now. The only thing I have over these guys is my heart for her, I hope that enough.
I'm having a really hard time writing this blog right now, I feel just so much agony and I don't know what can make me feel better. I have so many distractions but none of it is enough to make me forget about her. Someone please help me, i'm pleading to the world for some real guidance. Tell me what to do, how to do it. Why isn't there a YouTube tutorial on what to do.
I wish I had my best friend back, the love of my life.
Monday, April 20, 2015
I Will Marry You
Dear World,
So if you haven't realized by now, Vy-Anh & I broke up on 04/08/15. It's been extremely tough on me since then. I don't think i have ever hurt so much before in my life. The worst part is that through the past 45 months I always loved her but I didn't show it enough. I wasn't always the best boyfriend to her, but lately she hasn't been the best girlfriend. We drifted apart and I can't help but feel that it was my fault. I let my life get to involved in other things like PAO & video games that I loss sight of how important Vy-Anh was to me. It sucks, it really does but I do believe that this break up is good for us. Everyday I think about her and miss her and wonder what she's doing out there. I know she's already meeting all these guys and dating, I mean have you seen her? She's absolutely fucking gorgeous. Anyways the reason why I feel that this break up is good is because I felt that I needed time to reevaluate myself, appreciate what I have lost, and grow up as a person. Which I felt like I have done, I've had a lot of time to myself, I've talked to so many people. I even forgave Alex for all the shit he put me through. I am a better person now, but i'm not the best that I can be. I can never be the best me, that's what following the path of Kaizen is.
Anyways the reason for this post is because the story of Jansen & Vy-Anh is far from over. To be honest, that story will never end, because I am going to marry that girl. I know it looks pretty bleak right now but trust me when I say it, I love her. I can't give up on our love, not just yet. I was always the guy who said "I'm never going to get married, i'm never going to have children." But now my whole perspective has changed, and it was scary at first but for awhile now i have wanted to marry not anyone but specifically Vy-Anh. I honestly can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. There is nobody in this world who could make me feel as comfortable and as in love as I am with her. I told her on Saturday that this is it, i'm done, I can't talk to you anymore, I can't be your friend. I need my space for now, but she came home today and I was like "VYANH VYANH VYANH VYANH VYANH!" I was so fucking excited to see her, I love seeing her, I love being with her, I love everything from her little pinky toe to the tippy top of her head. I really don't think this ignoring thing is working out well for me :(
On Saturday we went on a date and we laid in central park for like 3 hours, something she's always wanted to do with me and I just wouldn't for some reason. But I really really enjoyed it, I loved laying there with her and surrounded by all the great things of the park. I was telling her that in five years I want to be in friend group that comes to central park and hangs out on the weekends, and one of the friends has a kid and I play with him in the park, and he calls me Uncle Jansen. She then asked if I would be the uncle to her kid, and I was like hell no. She kept asking me why not, and then I told her I don't want to be the uncle to your kid, I want to be the father to your kid. Which is really true, I want to start a real family with Vy-Anh, where we have 2 children and 2 dogs, one of them of course is Pebbles! She also said to me that she wants to be married before she turns 28 years old, and i went to say I would marry you today. I really don't know how she felt about the things I was saying but I hope she was thinking that i'm being dead serious. I really do want to marry her, I want to spend every day of my life with her. She makes me so happy, she makes me feel like i'm at my best and I honestly could lay in central park with her all day and be completely content with my life. Oh a great thing that happen was that we were walking across the Bow Bridge in central park and enjoying the scenery and then all of a sudden a boat came out the bridge and a man was on his knee proposing to his girlfriend. This was the first proposal that Vy-Anh & I have ever witnessed and it was amazing. That's what I want, I want Vy-Anh and I to work out, and to be madly in love, then I want to prepare the greatest proposal of all time for her. That proposal will be the greatest thing I will ever plan in my entire life. Let me describe it a little bit in the words of Aziz Ansari:
So if you haven't realized by now, Vy-Anh & I broke up on 04/08/15. It's been extremely tough on me since then. I don't think i have ever hurt so much before in my life. The worst part is that through the past 45 months I always loved her but I didn't show it enough. I wasn't always the best boyfriend to her, but lately she hasn't been the best girlfriend. We drifted apart and I can't help but feel that it was my fault. I let my life get to involved in other things like PAO & video games that I loss sight of how important Vy-Anh was to me. It sucks, it really does but I do believe that this break up is good for us. Everyday I think about her and miss her and wonder what she's doing out there. I know she's already meeting all these guys and dating, I mean have you seen her? She's absolutely fucking gorgeous. Anyways the reason why I feel that this break up is good is because I felt that I needed time to reevaluate myself, appreciate what I have lost, and grow up as a person. Which I felt like I have done, I've had a lot of time to myself, I've talked to so many people. I even forgave Alex for all the shit he put me through. I am a better person now, but i'm not the best that I can be. I can never be the best me, that's what following the path of Kaizen is.
Anyways the reason for this post is because the story of Jansen & Vy-Anh is far from over. To be honest, that story will never end, because I am going to marry that girl. I know it looks pretty bleak right now but trust me when I say it, I love her. I can't give up on our love, not just yet. I was always the guy who said "I'm never going to get married, i'm never going to have children." But now my whole perspective has changed, and it was scary at first but for awhile now i have wanted to marry not anyone but specifically Vy-Anh. I honestly can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. There is nobody in this world who could make me feel as comfortable and as in love as I am with her. I told her on Saturday that this is it, i'm done, I can't talk to you anymore, I can't be your friend. I need my space for now, but she came home today and I was like "VYANH VYANH VYANH VYANH VYANH!" I was so fucking excited to see her, I love seeing her, I love being with her, I love everything from her little pinky toe to the tippy top of her head. I really don't think this ignoring thing is working out well for me :(
On Saturday we went on a date and we laid in central park for like 3 hours, something she's always wanted to do with me and I just wouldn't for some reason. But I really really enjoyed it, I loved laying there with her and surrounded by all the great things of the park. I was telling her that in five years I want to be in friend group that comes to central park and hangs out on the weekends, and one of the friends has a kid and I play with him in the park, and he calls me Uncle Jansen. She then asked if I would be the uncle to her kid, and I was like hell no. She kept asking me why not, and then I told her I don't want to be the uncle to your kid, I want to be the father to your kid. Which is really true, I want to start a real family with Vy-Anh, where we have 2 children and 2 dogs, one of them of course is Pebbles! She also said to me that she wants to be married before she turns 28 years old, and i went to say I would marry you today. I really don't know how she felt about the things I was saying but I hope she was thinking that i'm being dead serious. I really do want to marry her, I want to spend every day of my life with her. She makes me so happy, she makes me feel like i'm at my best and I honestly could lay in central park with her all day and be completely content with my life. Oh a great thing that happen was that we were walking across the Bow Bridge in central park and enjoying the scenery and then all of a sudden a boat came out the bridge and a man was on his knee proposing to his girlfriend. This was the first proposal that Vy-Anh & I have ever witnessed and it was amazing. That's what I want, I want Vy-Anh and I to work out, and to be madly in love, then I want to prepare the greatest proposal of all time for her. That proposal will be the greatest thing I will ever plan in my entire life. Let me describe it a little bit in the words of Aziz Ansari:
- Doves Everywhere
- Flowers Everywhere
- Ice Sculpted Swans Everywhere
- Fireworks Everywhere
- Friends part of the plan EVERYWHERE
- Lights Everywhere
- probably on a rooftop EVERYWHERE
- Music everywhere
- Puppies EVERYWHERE
- Diversions and Misleading Clues Everywhere
okay you get the point, I would have a lot planned for this day. The point is, i've spent my entire life to scarred to commit to someone and when I finally found someone who meant entire worlds galaxies UNIVERSES to me, I let it all slip away...
===================================================================
Dear Vy-Anh,
I'm not afraid to fall in love anymore. I want to spend my Forever More Than Most with you.
===================================================================
It's not over. I will win her back, I will give her my everything this time, I won't make the same mistakes I made in the past, I am a changed man and I know I've said that a million times in the past but this time I vow by the order of the knights of the round. From this day forth, I will always be by your side, I will always be there to catch you, I will always cherish you and love you with every fiber in my physical AND SPIRITUAL being. I will tell you every day that I love you, I will treat you like the Princess of Realm. I will only make sweet passionate love with you for the rest of my life. There will never be a day where I think of another girl or by Zeus' Mighty Bolt strike me till I yell "You mother trucker dude, that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick!" You will be my life and I want to be yours, I don't want to spend another day with anyone else but you. I will travel this whole world with you. I want to make a book with you that is titled "My Beautiful World" and it's just a million photos of You & I in a million places. Photos that look like this:
- A Picture of Us meeting Simba in Africa
- A Picture of Us riding an Elephant in India
- A Picture of Us on the Great Wall of China
- A Picture of Us at the top of the Eiffel Tower
- A Picture of Us leaning against the tower of Piza
- A Picture of Us in a tomato fight in Spain
- A Picture of Us meeting a Whale!
- A Picture of Us about to go boxing against a Kangaroo
- A Picture of Us in the Ghibli Museum
- A Picture of Us in Shibuya Crossing and meeting Hachiko
- A Picture of Us getting seafood in Maine
- A Picture of Us becoming wizards at Harry Potter World
- A Picture of Us watching The World of Color in Disney Land
- A Picture of Us going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras
- A Picture of Us going to the Summer Olympics in Rio
- A Picture of Us going to Hawaii for our Honeymoon
- A Picture of Us taking a cruise to the Bahamas
- A Picture of Us being in the middle of nowhere?
- A Picture of Us taking a road trip around the USA
& so much more, but you get my point. I really hope I can be yours again, because if you were ever mine again, I would never let go of you for the rest of my life. I will always love you unconditionally from now till Forever. & Everyday I will tell you:
Jansen: I Love You
Vy-Anh: I Love You Too
Jansen: I Love You More
Vy-Anh: I Love You Most
Jansen: I Love You More than Most.
Then you get mad at me, and I let you win. Till one day where i beat you, with something More Than Most.
Vy-Anh Nguyen I Love You For The Rest of My Life.
I would hang out with you forever~ tehehe
Sunday, April 19, 2015
How I Met The Most Important Person In My World
Dear World,
So update to my world, for the past 45 months I've been dating the love of my life Vy-Anh Nguyen. Oh shit let's break it down, time for a back story, which means....
*Queue Old Timey Footage*
It was the last day of 7th grade at Luther Jackson Middle School, and everyone was walking out to the bus area. I was walking down the sidewalk with HaJung when suddenly we run into my boy Alex, he was holding hands with his new girlfriend Vy-Anh! So Hajung introduced me to Vy-Anh and for some reason I was holding a empty jar from one of my teachers. It's funny because her name was Dr.VeJar. Okay so anyways I met Vy-Anh and I was like literally in love, haha. She was the prettiest girl i have ever seen and I knew I needed her. So fast-forward to the summer, we're having a going away party for our friends Kyle and Mary at Jenny's house. We used to spend a lot of time in Jenny's basement, that was like our hangout spot in 7th grade. So Jenny, company & myself were sitting in the basement planning out this going away party and I remember whenever the talk of invitation came up I was like "Oh man we better invite that Vy-Anh girl" followed by Jenny telling me to stop being so love struck. Then I would just keep going on about how we DEFINITELY need to invite that Vy-Anh girl and then Natalie would tell me to Shut the hell up. Thumbs up for supportive friends! Well I can't blame them I was always falling for every girl, so I guess they were tired of it! Anyways Vy-Anh ends up being invited and I spent the whole day trying to talk to her and spend time with her, which was a total success!
Fast-forward even more, to the start of 8th grade. We started the year and I ended up asking her to be my girlfriend and she ended up saying yes, but because I was a total kid she ended up breaking up with me. Fast-forward to the end of 8th grade, we were at Natalie's house party and I remember sitting outside with her and looking up at the stars. I ended up asking her to be my girlfriend again, and again she said yes! But like last time we ended up breaking up in two weeks, but this time I was able to score a kiss, hehe.
Fast-forward to Sophomore year of high school.
So as always I was this stupid kid who always fell for every girl but this is what led to probably one of the biggest changes in my life. So I was supposed to go to Vy-Anh's house one random day, and when I got there, her friends Erin and Kesiree were there. Kesiree was in a bikini and I was like dayummmmmm, so the following day I was like Vy-Anh help me get to know Kes better. Me and Vy-Anh ended up spending lots of time talking and really getting to know each other and soon I forgot all about my infatuation with Kesiree and ended up falling for this deeper more meaningful connection with Vy-Anh. So from that point on my goal was to be with her, and I ended up liking this girl for the rest of my sophomore year. We spent so much time together, it was amazing. During the winter before her first swim team practice I made her a peanut butter and banana sandwich. During the spring we spent every evening together because we were both doing the Wizard of Oz, and practice was at like 4pm or 6pm but we ended school at 2pm. So all that in-between time was jansen & vy-anh time! We wrote letters and notes to each other all the time. I learned the song "Lucky" for her and sang it with her in a field behind school. I would be constantly skyping with her, even when I was with all our friends and she couldn't make it, I would make sure she was still with me. I didn't really know it then but I was totally in love with her.
There was also this time frame where I lost my virginity to this senior at my school. I'm not going to mention her name because it was supposed to be a secret, so she used to make me call her shy, because she was shy....but let me tell you, she didn't seem very shy *wink* So Vy-Anh and I weren't working during this time, she said she didn't want to give me a third chance and we could only be friends, so I stepped back and that's when I met Shy. She liked me and she was so loving with me, I guess I was in a vulnerable place after not being able to be with Vy-Anh. So here's the thing, she had a boyfriend, but she was coming onto me so strongly, and I was a young fool. I only saw her friday nights and the rest of the week we only texted each other. No one knew what was going on at school we didn't even say hi to each other. I knew her because she was one of my best friend's cousin, so I met her at this dinner. Anyways after sleeping with her a bunch of times and feeling totally horrible about making her cheat I broke it off. Too late obviously but Shy told me that she grew to know me and understand me and told me that I wasn't breaking it off only because I felt guilty. It was more because she knew that I was still totally head over heels for Vy-Anh. To be honest, it was completely true, I was totally missing and wishing I was with Vy-Anh.
Okay so after sophomore year, she left. Yup, she moved away and I would start seeing her very rarely. I guess I just moved on, I started dating someone else and started doing my own thing and just forgot about her. When I saw her on those rare occasions I would just say the same thing to her, "I WILL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!" Then I would see her again of course! But I said it to her every time regardless.
So fast-forward 2 years. I'm doing my own thing, dating Britney, then breaking up with her after 11 months, then falling in love with Gia, then losing her to another guy. Then finally getting Jiwon to like me but then she backs out before it really even meant anything. That really defines those 2 years haha. Anyways I remember there was some show at my school and I was able to catch a glimpse of Vy-Anh walking by, and holy fuck 2 years did her wonders. She looked drop dead gorgeous, she was wearing this black winter jacket, and dark skirt, with black stockings and heels. I saw that and I basically blew up from the inside out. But as usual she was gone and I wouldn't see her for months.
fastforward to Starscape, my first rave. So at Starscape I went with my friends and ended up seeing Vy-Anh there! It was awesome, and both of us like magnets just got attracted to each other and stuck to each other for the whole festival. We both never really got the rave scene so we kinda just spent all the time together catching up and walking around. Funny moment, when I first met Vy-Anh she was a vegetarian, so at Starscape I gave her a piece of chicken and she took a bite and when it clicked that she was eating chicken I Freaked Dicks Out! I WAS LIKE WHY ARE YOU EATING CHICKEN!!!!! YOU CANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but she told me that she stopped being vegetarian a few months ago and I was so relived to hear that. Anyways we spent all of Starscape being together and it really clicked us back together.
From that point on, we were talking again and being closer together, I had these consecutive parties at my condo during the summer and she came to them and we spent all those evenings together. I remember one of those nights we spent all night playing Disney Sing It! I remember singing "Can You Feel the Love Tonight!" over and over again with her. Anyways after all those random parties at my place I was going on a vacation with my family. We went to San Francisco which sounds like a lot of fun right? Wrong! Vacations aren't fun when all you can think about is going home and being with the person you love. So I had a terrible time and spent tons of time texting and skyping with Vy-Anh. Then I came back and was so happy to see her. A few days later I got a car and the first thing I did was drive out to Vy-Anh's house and spend the evening helping her pack for her long vacation to Flordia. After we finished packing up everything we went out to Trader Joe's and bought some picnic foods and went out to this open field near her house. We laid out some random sheets and things from my car and had a picnic under the stars. It was there I asked her to by my girlfriend and she said yes. Which goes to define the next 45 months of my life.
*End Old Timey Footage*
And kids that's how I met Vy-Anh. The most important person in my world.
So update to my world, for the past 45 months I've been dating the love of my life Vy-Anh Nguyen. Oh shit let's break it down, time for a back story, which means....
*Queue Old Timey Footage*
It was the last day of 7th grade at Luther Jackson Middle School, and everyone was walking out to the bus area. I was walking down the sidewalk with HaJung when suddenly we run into my boy Alex, he was holding hands with his new girlfriend Vy-Anh! So Hajung introduced me to Vy-Anh and for some reason I was holding a empty jar from one of my teachers. It's funny because her name was Dr.VeJar. Okay so anyways I met Vy-Anh and I was like literally in love, haha. She was the prettiest girl i have ever seen and I knew I needed her. So fast-forward to the summer, we're having a going away party for our friends Kyle and Mary at Jenny's house. We used to spend a lot of time in Jenny's basement, that was like our hangout spot in 7th grade. So Jenny, company & myself were sitting in the basement planning out this going away party and I remember whenever the talk of invitation came up I was like "Oh man we better invite that Vy-Anh girl" followed by Jenny telling me to stop being so love struck. Then I would just keep going on about how we DEFINITELY need to invite that Vy-Anh girl and then Natalie would tell me to Shut the hell up. Thumbs up for supportive friends! Well I can't blame them I was always falling for every girl, so I guess they were tired of it! Anyways Vy-Anh ends up being invited and I spent the whole day trying to talk to her and spend time with her, which was a total success!
Fast-forward even more, to the start of 8th grade. We started the year and I ended up asking her to be my girlfriend and she ended up saying yes, but because I was a total kid she ended up breaking up with me. Fast-forward to the end of 8th grade, we were at Natalie's house party and I remember sitting outside with her and looking up at the stars. I ended up asking her to be my girlfriend again, and again she said yes! But like last time we ended up breaking up in two weeks, but this time I was able to score a kiss, hehe.
Fast-forward to Sophomore year of high school.
So as always I was this stupid kid who always fell for every girl but this is what led to probably one of the biggest changes in my life. So I was supposed to go to Vy-Anh's house one random day, and when I got there, her friends Erin and Kesiree were there. Kesiree was in a bikini and I was like dayummmmmm, so the following day I was like Vy-Anh help me get to know Kes better. Me and Vy-Anh ended up spending lots of time talking and really getting to know each other and soon I forgot all about my infatuation with Kesiree and ended up falling for this deeper more meaningful connection with Vy-Anh. So from that point on my goal was to be with her, and I ended up liking this girl for the rest of my sophomore year. We spent so much time together, it was amazing. During the winter before her first swim team practice I made her a peanut butter and banana sandwich. During the spring we spent every evening together because we were both doing the Wizard of Oz, and practice was at like 4pm or 6pm but we ended school at 2pm. So all that in-between time was jansen & vy-anh time! We wrote letters and notes to each other all the time. I learned the song "Lucky" for her and sang it with her in a field behind school. I would be constantly skyping with her, even when I was with all our friends and she couldn't make it, I would make sure she was still with me. I didn't really know it then but I was totally in love with her.
There was also this time frame where I lost my virginity to this senior at my school. I'm not going to mention her name because it was supposed to be a secret, so she used to make me call her shy, because she was shy....but let me tell you, she didn't seem very shy *wink* So Vy-Anh and I weren't working during this time, she said she didn't want to give me a third chance and we could only be friends, so I stepped back and that's when I met Shy. She liked me and she was so loving with me, I guess I was in a vulnerable place after not being able to be with Vy-Anh. So here's the thing, she had a boyfriend, but she was coming onto me so strongly, and I was a young fool. I only saw her friday nights and the rest of the week we only texted each other. No one knew what was going on at school we didn't even say hi to each other. I knew her because she was one of my best friend's cousin, so I met her at this dinner. Anyways after sleeping with her a bunch of times and feeling totally horrible about making her cheat I broke it off. Too late obviously but Shy told me that she grew to know me and understand me and told me that I wasn't breaking it off only because I felt guilty. It was more because she knew that I was still totally head over heels for Vy-Anh. To be honest, it was completely true, I was totally missing and wishing I was with Vy-Anh.
Okay so after sophomore year, she left. Yup, she moved away and I would start seeing her very rarely. I guess I just moved on, I started dating someone else and started doing my own thing and just forgot about her. When I saw her on those rare occasions I would just say the same thing to her, "I WILL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!" Then I would see her again of course! But I said it to her every time regardless.
So fast-forward 2 years. I'm doing my own thing, dating Britney, then breaking up with her after 11 months, then falling in love with Gia, then losing her to another guy. Then finally getting Jiwon to like me but then she backs out before it really even meant anything. That really defines those 2 years haha. Anyways I remember there was some show at my school and I was able to catch a glimpse of Vy-Anh walking by, and holy fuck 2 years did her wonders. She looked drop dead gorgeous, she was wearing this black winter jacket, and dark skirt, with black stockings and heels. I saw that and I basically blew up from the inside out. But as usual she was gone and I wouldn't see her for months.
fastforward to Starscape, my first rave. So at Starscape I went with my friends and ended up seeing Vy-Anh there! It was awesome, and both of us like magnets just got attracted to each other and stuck to each other for the whole festival. We both never really got the rave scene so we kinda just spent all the time together catching up and walking around. Funny moment, when I first met Vy-Anh she was a vegetarian, so at Starscape I gave her a piece of chicken and she took a bite and when it clicked that she was eating chicken I Freaked Dicks Out! I WAS LIKE WHY ARE YOU EATING CHICKEN!!!!! YOU CANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but she told me that she stopped being vegetarian a few months ago and I was so relived to hear that. Anyways we spent all of Starscape being together and it really clicked us back together.
From that point on, we were talking again and being closer together, I had these consecutive parties at my condo during the summer and she came to them and we spent all those evenings together. I remember one of those nights we spent all night playing Disney Sing It! I remember singing "Can You Feel the Love Tonight!" over and over again with her. Anyways after all those random parties at my place I was going on a vacation with my family. We went to San Francisco which sounds like a lot of fun right? Wrong! Vacations aren't fun when all you can think about is going home and being with the person you love. So I had a terrible time and spent tons of time texting and skyping with Vy-Anh. Then I came back and was so happy to see her. A few days later I got a car and the first thing I did was drive out to Vy-Anh's house and spend the evening helping her pack for her long vacation to Flordia. After we finished packing up everything we went out to Trader Joe's and bought some picnic foods and went out to this open field near her house. We laid out some random sheets and things from my car and had a picnic under the stars. It was there I asked her to by my girlfriend and she said yes. Which goes to define the next 45 months of my life.
*End Old Timey Footage*
And kids that's how I met Vy-Anh. The most important person in my world.
Kaizen, Love, Family & Friends
To the world,
Lately I have been going through such a hard time I figured it would be good to write out all my feelings and thoughts, I hate writing on paper so what better way than to start a blog. I don't know if i'm going to share my blog or keep it a secret. Maybe share it with the people that are closest to me or something. Anyways the name of the blog stands for the four things in my life that really matter. Kaizen is Japanese for constant improving and always bettering oneself. It's first because the most important thing right now is to have the best me, the best Jansen ever, but the best Jansen doesn't have a top peak, it's an infinite height. Next is love, till recently I didn't realize how much of a hopeless romantic I really am. To me, if I was with the love of my life, I would do anything for her. I would:
Lately I have been going through such a hard time I figured it would be good to write out all my feelings and thoughts, I hate writing on paper so what better way than to start a blog. I don't know if i'm going to share my blog or keep it a secret. Maybe share it with the people that are closest to me or something. Anyways the name of the blog stands for the four things in my life that really matter. Kaizen is Japanese for constant improving and always bettering oneself. It's first because the most important thing right now is to have the best me, the best Jansen ever, but the best Jansen doesn't have a top peak, it's an infinite height. Next is love, till recently I didn't realize how much of a hopeless romantic I really am. To me, if I was with the love of my life, I would do anything for her. I would:
- Fight off 9 Killer Sharks
- Battle an endless army of invading Genghis Khan Soldiers
- Learn to slice metal with paper
- Run a marathon of lego covered streets (no shoes)
- Dive into a swimming pool full of Jellyfish
You get the point, for my love I could conquer all my fears and challenges if I knew she was by my side. Family because that is what I want in the future, it's what I cherish now. I spent the past few days thinking back to my childhood, about how I was raised and about the people who took care of me. So let's run it back to glimpse of my childhood.
*Queue Old Timey Footage*
So when I was a little boy it was basically just me and my mom. I never had a real father figure till I was maybe 17. When I was 5, my birth father left my mom, I remember the day so vividly. I was at my great aunt Susan's house, the one I grew up in, my mom and I were standing outside in the front yard and my biological father was getting into a car with his friend. I don't remember what he said to me, but I remember him patting my head and saying goodbye. The car reversed out the driveway into the cul de sac and I ran out into the street. My dad rolled down his window and pointed to go back to my mom, and my mom came up behind me picked me up and he drove away. He moved to Hong Kong where he is now a movie director. So i'm basically the only one in my huge family to be fatherless which may sound like a tragedy but to be honest it was the biggest blessing ever. My mom was not really in my life through most of my adolescence, and I don't blame her. So my mom worked a 9-5 job everyday and while she was at work she left me with my great aunt Susan. That's where most families left their kids, except the difference was that their parents would come pick them up every night, while my mom worked to far to come get me every night. So I ended up living at my aunts house most of my life, the routine would be go to school Monday through Friday and on Saturday my mom would pick me up and we would be together on the weekend. Anyways the reason why I said that not having a father was a blessing was because it allowed me to be different than all the other kids, all my aunts and uncles took me in as their own. My uncle David basically raised me as his son and took care me all my life, my cousin Ashley's family always invited me over for sleepovers and took me out. So by not having a father I was able to be so close to everyone in my family. So from the bottom of my heart thank you for being the greatest family I could ever be apart of. Also thank you Mom for sacrificing your whole life for me, you worked all those days to have money to support me, even if it meant giving up all that time with me.
*End Old Timey Footage*
Now last I wouldn't be who or where I am today without my friends. I value my friends so much, they are the people who are there for you through thick and thin. They give you more aspects and opinions in life. My friends are truly the greatest heroes to me, they got me to where I am today. There are too many friends to speak of, so I guess i'll just do a quick list.
- Jex & Hank: Thanks for always having my back and coming over to cheer me up in an instant
- Noelle: Thanks for always being honest with me and really supporting me
- Marc: Thanks for hearing me out and always trying to be earth bound for me
- Jon: Thanks for always knowing when I need help and taking care of me
- Jason: Thanks for being someone I could really talk to and trusting me
- Alex: Thanks for being someone I know that I could always count on in the end
- Crystal: Thanks for understand and supporting my ideas and keeping me positive
- Danielle: Thanks for being someone who can help me take my mind off all the problems
- Vickie: Thanks for listening to me and giving me some real perspectives
Wow this was a long introduction post. Well I guess if you read all that you kind of understand why Kaizen, Love, Family & Friends are the most important things to me hahaha. I was going to start blogging about my feelings and crap but I guess i'll just make a new post! Till next time.
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