So if you haven't realized by now, Vy-Anh & I broke up on 04/08/15. It's been extremely tough on me since then. I don't think i have ever hurt so much before in my life. The worst part is that through the past 45 months I always loved her but I didn't show it enough. I wasn't always the best boyfriend to her, but lately she hasn't been the best girlfriend. We drifted apart and I can't help but feel that it was my fault. I let my life get to involved in other things like PAO & video games that I loss sight of how important Vy-Anh was to me. It sucks, it really does but I do believe that this break up is good for us. Everyday I think about her and miss her and wonder what she's doing out there. I know she's already meeting all these guys and dating, I mean have you seen her? She's absolutely fucking gorgeous. Anyways the reason why I feel that this break up is good is because I felt that I needed time to reevaluate myself, appreciate what I have lost, and grow up as a person. Which I felt like I have done, I've had a lot of time to myself, I've talked to so many people. I even forgave Alex for all the shit he put me through. I am a better person now, but i'm not the best that I can be. I can never be the best me, that's what following the path of Kaizen is.
Anyways the reason for this post is because the story of Jansen & Vy-Anh is far from over. To be honest, that story will never end, because I am going to marry that girl. I know it looks pretty bleak right now but trust me when I say it, I love her. I can't give up on our love, not just yet. I was always the guy who said "I'm never going to get married, i'm never going to have children." But now my whole perspective has changed, and it was scary at first but for awhile now i have wanted to marry not anyone but specifically Vy-Anh. I honestly can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. There is nobody in this world who could make me feel as comfortable and as in love as I am with her. I told her on Saturday that this is it, i'm done, I can't talk to you anymore, I can't be your friend. I need my space for now, but she came home today and I was like "VYANH VYANH VYANH VYANH VYANH!" I was so fucking excited to see her, I love seeing her, I love being with her, I love everything from her little pinky toe to the tippy top of her head. I really don't think this ignoring thing is working out well for me :(
On Saturday we went on a date and we laid in central park for like 3 hours, something she's always wanted to do with me and I just wouldn't for some reason. But I really really enjoyed it, I loved laying there with her and surrounded by all the great things of the park. I was telling her that in five years I want to be in friend group that comes to central park and hangs out on the weekends, and one of the friends has a kid and I play with him in the park, and he calls me Uncle Jansen. She then asked if I would be the uncle to her kid, and I was like hell no. She kept asking me why not, and then I told her I don't want to be the uncle to your kid, I want to be the father to your kid. Which is really true, I want to start a real family with Vy-Anh, where we have 2 children and 2 dogs, one of them of course is Pebbles! She also said to me that she wants to be married before she turns 28 years old, and i went to say I would marry you today. I really don't know how she felt about the things I was saying but I hope she was thinking that i'm being dead serious. I really do want to marry her, I want to spend every day of my life with her. She makes me so happy, she makes me feel like i'm at my best and I honestly could lay in central park with her all day and be completely content with my life. Oh a great thing that happen was that we were walking across the Bow Bridge in central park and enjoying the scenery and then all of a sudden a boat came out the bridge and a man was on his knee proposing to his girlfriend. This was the first proposal that Vy-Anh & I have ever witnessed and it was amazing. That's what I want, I want Vy-Anh and I to work out, and to be madly in love, then I want to prepare the greatest proposal of all time for her. That proposal will be the greatest thing I will ever plan in my entire life. Let me describe it a little bit in the words of Aziz Ansari:
- Doves Everywhere
- Flowers Everywhere
- Ice Sculpted Swans Everywhere
- Fireworks Everywhere
- Friends part of the plan EVERYWHERE
- Lights Everywhere
- probably on a rooftop EVERYWHERE
- Music everywhere
- Puppies EVERYWHERE
- Diversions and Misleading Clues Everywhere
okay you get the point, I would have a lot planned for this day. The point is, i've spent my entire life to scarred to commit to someone and when I finally found someone who meant entire worlds galaxies UNIVERSES to me, I let it all slip away...
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Dear Vy-Anh,
I'm not afraid to fall in love anymore. I want to spend my Forever More Than Most with you.
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It's not over. I will win her back, I will give her my everything this time, I won't make the same mistakes I made in the past, I am a changed man and I know I've said that a million times in the past but this time I vow by the order of the knights of the round. From this day forth, I will always be by your side, I will always be there to catch you, I will always cherish you and love you with every fiber in my physical AND SPIRITUAL being. I will tell you every day that I love you, I will treat you like the Princess of Realm. I will only make sweet passionate love with you for the rest of my life. There will never be a day where I think of another girl or by Zeus' Mighty Bolt strike me till I yell "You mother trucker dude, that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick!" You will be my life and I want to be yours, I don't want to spend another day with anyone else but you. I will travel this whole world with you. I want to make a book with you that is titled "My Beautiful World" and it's just a million photos of You & I in a million places. Photos that look like this:
- A Picture of Us meeting Simba in Africa
- A Picture of Us riding an Elephant in India
- A Picture of Us on the Great Wall of China
- A Picture of Us at the top of the Eiffel Tower
- A Picture of Us leaning against the tower of Piza
- A Picture of Us in a tomato fight in Spain
- A Picture of Us meeting a Whale!
- A Picture of Us about to go boxing against a Kangaroo
- A Picture of Us in the Ghibli Museum
- A Picture of Us in Shibuya Crossing and meeting Hachiko
- A Picture of Us getting seafood in Maine
- A Picture of Us becoming wizards at Harry Potter World
- A Picture of Us watching The World of Color in Disney Land
- A Picture of Us going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras
- A Picture of Us going to the Summer Olympics in Rio
- A Picture of Us going to Hawaii for our Honeymoon
- A Picture of Us taking a cruise to the Bahamas
- A Picture of Us being in the middle of nowhere?
- A Picture of Us taking a road trip around the USA
& so much more, but you get my point. I really hope I can be yours again, because if you were ever mine again, I would never let go of you for the rest of my life. I will always love you unconditionally from now till Forever. & Everyday I will tell you:
Jansen: I Love You
Vy-Anh: I Love You Too
Jansen: I Love You More
Vy-Anh: I Love You Most
Jansen: I Love You More than Most.
Then you get mad at me, and I let you win. Till one day where i beat you, with something More Than Most.
Vy-Anh Nguyen I Love You For The Rest of My Life.
I would hang out with you forever~ tehehe
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