Dear World,
Break ups are hard. Last night I had a long talk with Vy-Anh about us, again, and obviously it ended horribly. Well I just couldn't take it anymore, the love I have for her just exploded. I needed to do something, so I wrote her a speech and picked her up from work brought flowers, the whole nine yards. Did it work? hell no. We ended up laying in bed for a few hours talking, most of the time me just letting out all those bottled up emotions of how much I love her. Basically I was being a bitch. I say that proudly, because it's not easy trying to let someone go, or being so madly in love with someone and them not reciprocating the feelings. All I can say is, i'm still madly in love with her and it really sucks.
She's out there right now, dating new guys. She even told me about some of them, and I felt so shitty. One of the guys named Sam, they played connect four, jenga, they both liked art, old school rock, mad men, and he was a gentlemen to her. Fuck that guy. I would do all that and more, I've played every game with Vy-Anh, even that kid's game Putt Putt, sometimes I would just sit here and play the card game speed with her. I would do everything he does but fucking more, I don't even know what i'm writing. It just infuriates me.... Okay it doesn't actually get me mad, I just pretend i'm mad. I'm actually just really jealous, that this guy Sam, he gets to do everything I want to do with Vy-Anh. He gets to treat her like a princess and talk to her about everything. He gets to see her happy and take her out. He get's to meet her co-workers and hang out with them. He has the opportunity to fall in love with her... I would do anything for something like that.
I've been asked, Why do you believe so much that Vy-Anh will eventually come back? Why are you so hopeful?
I guess the answer to that is I believe it because I know that deep down in there, somewhere. That she still is my Pretzel, my princess. That we can still have a strong love for each other, but right now the only way that could happen is if I go through the Cloister of Trials. Trials consisting of letting her go, seeing her with other people, being alone. If I can make it through these and come out stronger and still be head over heels in love. I believe that we'll come back together. We were together for 45 months, that's a long time. I know right now she only see's the bad in our relationship and the bad in me. But I feel like i've been improving myself, in a way that when i'm with her again, I won't be a damn idiot. I'm preparing myself to be the man that she's always wanted me to be, to be that man for the rest of our lives. Is there anything that states that she would get back together with me? no, if anything she keeps telling me it's never going to happen. But i've loved this girl for 10 years, and I spent a whole year trying to win her over and two years trying to get over her and 3 years dating her. When the time comes, i'm going to woo her. Woo her like I did all those times in the past. That picnic under the stars in the middle of the night, the first time I told her I love her, standing by the shore at national harbor, moving to NYC for her. I will win you back, Pretzel.
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Changing the pace.
On this blog I make Vy-Anh sound like a goddamn angel, but that's not true. She has her flaws and right now she's really pissing me off. Vy-Anh is the most beautiful girl i've ever seen, and she used to care about how she looks but she was modest about it. Now she's a total egotistical maniac. She is abusing the fact that she's pretty to be someone she really isn't. Yes people abuse their beauty in life, I know that, but Vy-Anh is better than that. She used to be a modest person with values, now she just let's her looks take her everywhere. She let's all these guys hit on her and talk to her because she knows she looks good. She takes in compliments on her appearance like she's snorting them. Vy-Anh used to value the guys who liked her because they were good people that cared about her. Now she just lets any guy who thinks she's hot talk to her and be up on that. I miss the girl who was modest about her beauty, because that's what made her the most beautiful person.
Another thing, her work life has taken over her life. She's so set on growing up and making money that it clouds what's most important. We have friends here who care about each other and we don't let money be a value that stops us from being close. I feel she's given up on us, she's given up on all of us and just wants to be an adult and work at the restaurant. Be surrounded by those co-workers who keep pushing her to grow up. Yes it's important to grow up but not in the cost of losing who you are. She says she's having fun, but what is she sacrificing for that fun? All those people who actually care about her, like myself. She'll step on my head to be an adult, and be surrounded by all these people from work who maybe have bad intentions for her. Who knows. I guess the point is that, her work has taken over her life, and I honestly believe that it's making her a bad person. Money and greed, if she looked in the mirror she would notice her face is turning green. I'm not saying money is not important and she needs it to financially support herself next year, I get it. I just wish she could work somewhere else, somewhere that doesn't make her a shitty person. A workplace that doesn't consume her life, influence her so negatively. If she read this, she wouldn't believe a word I said, she'll be like fuck you i'm having fun and I love my life right now. All I would do is shake my head in shame. As someone who has been with her for so long and really came to understand her inside and out, I honestly hope she see's who she's become and bounces back. Not that I love her any less, but I really liked the person who was modest and beautiful, kind and gentle, full of the adventure spirit, and was just hopelessly romantic.
I love you regardless of who you are and who you become, and i'll always be there to support you through it all. No matter how much you toss me aside and treat me like shit, I am here when you realize that I truly love you and that nobody else will offer you their heart like I do. Till next time my pretzel.
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