Forward

You know it seems like all hope is loss and everything is over, talking to Angel, Jason and Noelle, it helps me see my situation from an outside perspective. As much as I want to believe that everything will work out, but in there situation someone will lose and it fucking sucks. I hate watching the people I care about feel so down. If there was something I could do, I would but all I could do is sit here and watch. It makes me think sometimes, is there a chance or even hope for me and Vy-Anh? I sometimes fear not, and right now I know she wants me to move on. Everyone does, everyone wants me to move on and give up on her. Fuck all of you people, you are the doubters and the people who have always suppressed me. Six years ago everyone told me that Battle of the Schools could never happen, that it was a dream. Well it happened and it happened a whole bunch of times after that. I was always the person who dreamed big and everyone always told me I could never reach those dreams. Sometimes they were right but not this time, this time I can't give up.

Forward, i'm done being the fucking loser I have been my entire life. It's time for a change, it's time to be the best Jansen the world has ever seen. I always feared being romantic with my significant other because I didn't want people to see me as a loser or call me geyyyy. I don't fucking care anymore, even though I realized it years too late. If I ever had that last chance with Vy-Anh, I swear she would never regret it. I keep saying the same shit, but every day I realize how much more I can be, and the only way to ingrain it in my brain is to keep talking about it. To keep writing it over and over again till the world can't help but believe me.

When I watch videos/picture of other couples on social media, it makes me want us so much more. I want to go to Randall's Island and see the cherry blossoms with you, I want to go to a drive in movie theater with you, I want to record everything we do and make those fun GoPro adventure videos with you. I feel so strongly for you, it's like my heart is exploding. I can't stop thinking about you, and I just want to love you so hard. I'm ready dear, i'm ready to be the perfect boyfriend for you. I'll give you everything you want just as long as you let me hold your heart one more time. I was wrong, what I said to Alex, that once you're together long enough it doesn't matter, you don't have to do those sweet things anymore. I was wrong for saying that, I was wrong for believing that. Next time I will never believe such a foolish thing again, Till the day my bones withers away into sand I will always be doing sweet loving things for you, they never will stop, because I have to make sure I let you know I love you more than Bears love honey, every single day of our lives. I don't want what we had, I don't want what we were, I want us to move forward and be the best you & i. I know you don't trust me with your heart anymore but right now i'm holding out my hand to you, just grab it and take that last gamble, I swear the payout will be worth more than millions. & I'll make you fall in love with me all over again & than 10 times more, this time the love will be forever, I promise, those flowers are on their way.

Let's be you & i, one last time.

[ insert photo of our loving future ]